watered-down penicillin?
-
Altho73 — 18 years ago(August 26, 2007 03:20 AM)
How plain, mousy women are suddenly transformed into drop dead gorgeous beauties by merely letting their tied back hair down or removing their glasses. How these women wear glasses for the first half of the film, yet when the hero shows an interest in them, they suddenly have perfect eyesight and never need glasses again!
In 'A Time to Kill', Samuel L Jackson's character takes a rifle and kills two men (and seriously injures a completely innocent bystander) yet he gets acquitted by reason of insanity and amazingly is set free, (not sent to an institution to undergo the tender loving care of Nurse Ratchet.)
In 'Mississippi Burning' Gene Hackman's FBI agent beats up and tortures a suspect in front of several eyewitnesses. Yet this act is regarded as perfectly acceptable.
In 'The Unforgiven', Clint Eastwood's character ends up in a gunfight with a sheriff and seven deputies and manages to shoot each of them in turn while they all miss him.
In 'Silence of the Lambs' Jodie Foster is a TRAINEE FBI AGENT, yet she gets put in charge of a case and orders experienced cops around as if they were junior school children.
In 'Speed', Where do I start???? -
pmiano100 — 18 years ago(August 26, 2007 04:56 AM)
How Eastwood kept making "Dirty Harry" pictures long past the point where his character would have been given mandatory retirement.
How the youngest member of an infantry squad in a typical WWII movie, referred to as "The Kid", is always at least 27 years old.
How Eastwood and other old men are shown constantly bedding down women less than half their age. Yes, they often have young wives in real life, but in the films their characters are not rich, famous, and powerful actors.
When a character is murdered in a movie, the newspaper headline will read "JOHN JONES (or whoever) MURDERED," even though the character is a total nobody who wouldn't even rate a headline.
How Ancient Romans always have British accents in the movies and on TV.
English actors play Americans with excellent American accents, but American actors play English people with American accents (Costner as Robin Hood, Clark Gable as Fletcher Christian, etc.).
How all African-American criminals in the movies have bald heads and goatees.
Cars always blow up and burn when they crash on TV or film, which is not common in real life. I once saw an episode in "Magnum, PI" where the car caught fire while still in mid-air.
On "Cold Case", how come no one ever has a lawyer present? In every other cop show, a lawyer pops up sooner or later. Then again, who believes a real-life DA would prosecute an 85-year-old man for a crime he committed in 1945? Can you imagine the medical bills the state would incur?
Every time a poor white or minority kid is accused of a crime, he's always innocent. It's always a rich, arrogant, white boy who really did it. -
Altho73 — 18 years ago(August 27, 2007 01:37 AM)
When a plane crashes in the desert, jungle etc it's funny how all the male characters still have neat haircuts three months later when in reality their hair would have grown out to look like the Beatles on a bad day. All the female characters always have enough make up, eye shadow etc to last for the entire time they are stranded.
How the heroine absolutely hates the hero for the first half of the movie until he looks into her eyes and makes a remark like, 'Your face reminds me of a cute li'l horse I used to ride every day back on the ranch'. From that point on her whole attitude changes and she worships the ground he walks on.
When a group of travellers are stranded somewhere there is always a single guy and a single girl. They're always attracted to each other and always fall in love with each other.
How Dirty Harry and other characters like him manage to walk alone in the most dangerous neighbourhoods of cities yet never find themselves surrounded by a knife wielding gang.
When the hero is mistakenly wanted by the police for murder and there are wanted notices with his photo on every street corner yet he manages the cross the USA without anyone noticing who he is.
When the hero manages to trace the bad guy to a hotel he instantly finds out which room the bad guy is staying, always manages to find a way into that room and remarkably when he does so the bad guy is ALWAYS out. -
pmiano100 — 18 years ago(August 27, 2007 12:44 PM)
No matter how lousy their jobs, all TV characters have huge apartments in the middle of the most expensive cities in the United States.
In a shootout in a public place, the villain may accidentally kill innocent bystanders, but the hero never does.
Whenever there is a criminal gang, there is always one black man, and he is the strongest and most powerful fighter who gives the hero the toughest battle. In the first "Die Hard", the black member was the computer nerd. At least it was original.
On TV, even when the hero is shot or otherwise badly injured, he's perfectly fine in the next episode with no scars or residual problems. Also, people shot in the movies may bleed, but people shot on TV never do.
Whenever the hero is saved from being shot in the back by the villain, he is always saved by someone he knows - never by a faceless police officer or soldier who's part of the team.
Whenever the police or spy agency team up two people who hate each other, they always end up friends or in the case of man-woman team-ups, lovers.
The female lead hates the male lead until she gets drunk. Then she suddenly finds him irresistible and throws herself at him. Of course she always passes out and he carries her to bed and leaves, not even tempted to take advantage of the situation.
The hero is always the first to suspect something crooked is going on, unless he's approached by a beautiful woman who warns him of the evil. He may be skeptical at first, but he always comes around quickly, and is usually the only one right down to the end. No matter how much he uncovers, his superiors always think he's blowing smoke.
Every hero cop is always willing to throw his badge on the captain's desk and throw away his pension, job, medical coverage, reputation, seniority, and everything else, to do "what's right."
Why is it that local city cops always manage to outdo the FBI and other federal agencies in dealing with spies, terrorists, and international criminal masterminds they're totally unequipped to deal with?
How come the hero never meets a villain he can't outfight, and how come every woman criminal he comes up against is a martial arts expert? -
Altho73 — 18 years ago(August 28, 2007 04:01 AM)
How come that the hero of the movie never wears glasses or contact lenses. (Would be a bit difficult when armed bad guys storm into his bedroom in the middle of the night for him to ask them to hold on until he puts his contacts in before shooting it out with them).
In movies that show the heroes ageing over a period of thirty years they never lose their hair despite already having a receding hairline at the start. They appear thirty years later with white hair but exactly the same hairline.
How come that hero detectives who have temper tantrums every few minutes were ever have allowed to have joined the force in the first place, and why are they not fired when it it blatantly obvious that they have psychological problems.
How come that the big cheese of the Mafia or other criminal organisation always supervise and sometimes even carry out killings themselves. In reality they would put as much distance as possible between themselves and actual killings.
In World War 2 movies when escaping GI's have to impersonate German soldiers to avoid detection even the most poorly educated soldier can always speak perfect German.
In World War 2 movies high ranking German officers always converse in English even when they are in battle briefings.
How come that the hero always has his Colt 45 readily available even when shopping at a convenience store and even when away on vacation.
How does the hero manage to travel overseas on vacation whilst carrying his Colt 45, don't airport security devices manage to detect it.
How come that the hero detective is always the first at the scene of a crime even when he is off duty. Does he spend all his free time driving around looking for crimes.
How do heroes and heroines always manage to walk into jobs that they have zero qualifications and zero knowledge about. -
pmiano100 — 18 years ago(August 28, 2007 09:22 AM)
Why does the hero or heroine still have the same physique or figure he or she had 30 years ago when they age in the film?
In war films, why do no two men in the squad come from the same state, let alone the same city?
How come, when a cop or private eye has to bodyguard a woman, she's always single, gorgeous, and falls in love with him?
Why do you almost never see police officers or federal agents in movies about organized crime?
When the hero is knocked out, the thugs are always ordered to take him some place and kill him. Why not just kill him there?
In horror films, why is the wimpiest, smallest girl always the one who turns into a Green Beret and kills the murderer after beating the hell out of him?
Why do people insist on entering dark, silent rooms in spooky mansions alone after two or three people have already been murdered?
Why does the villain always want to taunt the hero before he kills him, giving him a chance to get the upper hand? Why doesn't he just shut up and kill him?
Why does the hero cop always rush in to take on 5-6 bad guys, instead of waiting for back up?
In teen movies, why do the wimps and the punks always unite against the mean rich kids? In real life, rich kids go to private schools and the punks beat on the wimps. -
pmiano100 — 18 years ago(August 28, 2007 07:16 PM)
Neither of us is mocking anyone. We are merely comparing notes on all the cliches so common in film and television for the last 50 years or more that defy reality and logic. Frankly, I'm having a lot of fun. For instance, why is everyone so quick to use their fists in public on television and in movies? In real life, this often results in assault charges and lawsuits. In film/TV, it almost never has any consequences. People hit when a simple "S_ _ _w you!" would suffice in the real world.
Thank you for the compliment. -
Altho73 — 18 years ago(August 29, 2007 05:53 AM)
Neither of us is mocking one another, we're recalling all the cliches and unbelievable moments that we have seen in countless movies over the years.
Why in countless prison movies from the 1920's onwards (except Laurel and Hardy in 'The Second Hundred Years') are the inmates never given prison haircuts.
In prison movies the Warden always seems to be a man of integrity and keen on prison reform while the Guard Captain is always sadistic and full of evil.
How can leading men constantly and persistantly harass a woman with their unwanted advances without having their face slapped or be charged with harassment.
How can the hero (when he has to get to a certain place to prevent a misscarriage of justice) drive a car recklessly at high speeds for over half an hour without being stopped by the police or accidentally injure a bystander.
Why does the hero always arrive with new evidence a few minutes before the wrongly convicted man is about to be executed.
Why do the police department never face huge lawsuits when a maverick cop wrecks dozens of cars, shop windows, hedges, lawns etc with his recklessness.
When a film character shoved a pie in another character's face why does he/she stand there and let them do it. -
pmiano100 — 18 years ago(August 29, 2007 07:58 AM)
Indeed. And let us not forget:
When the hero takes up the cause of a condemned man swearing his innocence, how come he never finds out the guy is actually guilty?
Why do beautiful rich girls fall in love with bumbling losers who "accidentally" kidnap them?
Why do "good guy" police detectives in movies never face punishment or law suits for their acts of brutality?
In so many Cold War films made in the 60s, 70s, and 80s, why is the Communist secret police commander a likable grandfatherly type more interested in chess, classical music, or the upcoming birth of his new grandchild than catching Western spies while the CIA leader is an oily, corporate type only interested in the job?
Why do so many car chases involve just two cars, with no intervention from patrol cars who would normally be called in by the pursuing officer?
Why do criminal suspects never listen to their lawyers when they tell them, "Don't answer that question" ?
In a parent vs. adult child confrontation, why is the child always on the side of right and the parent always on the side of wrong?
Why does the villain try to kill the captured hero by slow and torturous means he always manage to escape from instead of just killing him outright?
In British war films, why is the American always reckless and from Texas? In American war films, why is the British officer always stuffy and imperious?
Why, when a police officer goes undercover impersonating someone, does one of three things always happen: 1)The real guy shows up, or 2) Someone who knows the real guy shows up, or 3) The bad guys ask the one question he doesn't know the right answer to?
Why do so many high school girls on TV and movies look 25 and have gorgeous mothers who look 35?
In heist movies (films sympathetic to the criminal), why is the thief always young, handsome, and likable, and the cop middle-aged, ugly, and obnoxious?
Why do criminal suspects almost always break down and confess at the end of the movie/episode instead of just clamming up and calling their lawyers? -
Altho73 — 18 years ago(August 30, 2007 09:13 AM)
Why do the suspects in 'Columbo' always discuss the case with him and let him follow them everywhere and are always happy to talk to him and therby get themselves deeper and deeper in trouble. Why don't any of them simply refuse to talk to him.
Strange that Lt Columbo is never given murder cases in the rough neighborhoods of south LA where nobody sees anything and nobody would want to be seen talking to cops.
In 'The Shawshank Redemption' it defies belief that Andy was able to dig an escape tunnel (that construction engineers would be proud of) over a period of ten years without any of the guards ever hearing or seeing anything. The entrance to the tunnel is screened by a movie poster which should have been constantly blown outwards by the draft.
In 'The Flight of the Phoenix' it's strange that all the tools and equipment needed to rebuild a plane was in the cargo hold of the crashed plane.
In 'Tough Guys' Kirk Douglas recently released from 30 years in prison and on his first day working as an ice cream vendor bullies a child by smearing ice cream all over his face, an act that would have had him immediately sent back to prison.
In 'Pacific Heights' a newly married ordinary couple are able to afford a property in San Francisco's Pacific Heights area? Unlikely.
In 'Titanic' Jack a third class passenger has no problems at all meeting a first class passenger and is regularly in the first class areas.
In 'Carry on Doctor' Bernard Bresslaw (6'7" and 250 lbs) manages to get into one of the women's wards by dressing up in a female nurse's uniform, yet remarkably neither the nurse on duty nor any of the patients notice anything strange!!!!!
In 'The Poseidon Adventure' a preacher (Gene Hackman's character) knows more about what to do after the capsizing than a ship's officer does. -
pmiano100 — 18 years ago(August 30, 2007 11:41 AM)
No matter when the story takes place, the hero always has current day moral and political values.
In Westerns the hero makes long treks across the desert, but he only has one small canteen with nowhere near enough water to last one day.
Why do rich, childless uncles and their nephews always despise each other on TV and in movies?
Perry Mason, Matlock, and just about every lawyer on TV you can think of virtually always defended innocent people, and found the real killer - right in the courtroom.
In "Wedding Crashers" the ordinary guy naturally falls in love with the beautiful rich girl, who is engaged to a rich creep she doesn't love. How many times have we seen that one?
Why are kids on TV almost always wiser than their parents?
Kidnapped rich men always have beautiful wives. There is always a mutual attraction between the wife and the handsome rescuer. Of course, nothing ever happens - at least not on TV. Movies maybe, but they usually go back to their dull, ordinary husbands.
I've got a lot more, but I have to go for now. Have we repeated ourselves even once yet? If not, that's almost scary. -
Altho73 — 18 years ago(August 31, 2007 01:23 PM)
In several British films of the 60's and 70's the lovely young woman who wants to marry the hero always has a man-hating, dragon of a mother.
In 'Star Trek' whichever planet in whichever galaxy that Captain Kirk and his crew visited the natives of that planet could always speak English.
When an unpopular politician makes an open air speech it seems strange that so many people in the audience have brought along plenty of rotten fruit to chuck at him.
Why is it that when a movie is set in a city like LA with a large Hispanic population that so few of the people walking in the background are Hispanic.
Whenever the hero has to hail a taxi to chase a bad guy escaping in a car all he has to do is snap his fingers and a taxi appears out of thin air.
In a similar situation when the hero has to take over a stranger's car to continue the chase he always manages to enter the car through an unlocked passenger door even when it is in one of the city's most dangerous neighbourhood.
In the 'Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea' TV series the submarine 'Seaview' was made operational by the famous 'Circuitry Room' where there were hundreds of cirucit boards up and down every wall. Frequently sea mosters, aliens, bad guys etc broke into the circuitry room and smashed up most of the circuits. Fear not, the engineers arrived, made a few minor adjustments with a screwdriver and within minutes the whole of the submarine was operational again.
When the hero/heroine urgently needs to make a telephone call to the police, FBI etc the only phone booth available is occupied by an old windbag who talks and talks and talks.
When the hero is escaping from the bad guys in a car chase, he always manages to cross the railway line just before a train appears, the bad guys are stuck on the other side as the train always has around 8000 cars. -
pmiano100 — 18 years ago(September 01, 2007 08:25 AM)
Whenever an Allied flyer/escaped POW is fleeing from the Germans in a WWII movie, he always finds refuge in a home where a beautiful girl lives.
The oldest Western cliche of them all: Just when it looks like the Indians are about to kill everyone, the US Cavalry comes in and rescues them in the nick of time.
When the hero needs to take somebody's car to chase a villain, he never runs into a woman who starts screaming or a man who punches him out. They just let him take their cars.
Among a group of people being knocked off in old movies in the 30s and 40s, there is always an attractive, single man and an attractive, single woman who always fall in love and usually are the only survivors.
In vigilante pictures when the cop suspects who the vigilante is, it never occurs to the cop to just put a tail on the guy 24/7 until they catch him.
Why does the womanizing hero obsess on the one girl who turns him down until he marries her? In real life, they just move on to the next girl.
A ruthless, super-ambitious young executive is sent to close down a factory in a small town and put everybody out of work. He is always charmed by the town, falls in love with a beautiful local girl, and saves the factory, even though it costs him a promising career.
Life-long housewives in their mid-30s who suddenly find themselves single mothers always find great jobs they do well in and fantastic lovers. Meanwhile, the life of the ex-husband who dumped them for a younger woman goes down the toilet.
The most pathetic and plain-looking high school nerd always manages to win a beautiful girl and show up the Big Man on Campus by the end of the movie.
In anti-war films, the conscientious objector medic never grabs a gun to defend himself despite the pleas of the wounded man he's treating. He believes the enemy soldier with a gun on them is a decent guy who won't shoot an unarmed man treating a wounded man. Of course he's always right - WRONG! -
AhaVanuR_24 — 18 years ago(September 01, 2007 11:37 AM)
Have either of you seen The Purple Rose Of Cairo by Woody Allen - it addresses many of the "points" you're bringing up. The plot centers on a movie character who breaks out of the screen into the real world. He needs to escape so he grabs the nearest car, slams the acceleration, andnothing. It turns out you need a key to start a car.
Believe me, you don't want Hannibal Lecter inside your head." -
pmiano100 — 18 years ago(September 01, 2007 10:05 PM)
Yes, I have seen the movie and you're right. Frankly, it's always amazed me how when the character needs a car, there's always one right there with the doors unlocked, and often the keys in the ignition. Even if there's no key, they can "hot-wire" it in seconds. In real life, it's not so easy anymore unless you're a professional car thief. Here's another one: How it is Woody Allen's characters, who are ugly, neurotic, and nerdy, and not the multimillionaire director-actor-producer he is, are able to win the hearts of some of the most beautiful young women in the USA?
Now please excuse us - we're on a roll! -
Altho73 — 18 years ago(September 01, 2007 12:30 PM)
At a railroad station or a bus depot the clerk on the information desk always instantly knows the details of any train/bus travelling to anywhere in the USA. He NEVER has to look anything up.
When a new commanding officer (let's give him the name Colonel Davis) etc due to arrive at a top secret government centre is captured by enemy agents and replaced with one of their spies, the staff at the centre always accept that the man arriving there is Colonel Davis. They never cross check with anyone.
When the hero decides that he is deeply in love with a woman he has met ten seconds ago, how come that the woman in question is always single and available. She is never married, a lesbian, has family committments, is from Australia etc.
How come that when the hero's progress is impeded by a locked door he is always able to smash down the door, pick the lock, wrench open the lock etc within seconds.
Whenever the hero needs to call a government department, FBI, CIA, White House etc he always gets an immediate answer and remarkably has always reached the correct department as well.
Whenever a thief, con-man convinces the heroine that he is a government agent he always manages to take over an office in a government building for a half hour or so show he is genuine. Don't these people lock their office at lunch time or have security doors to pass through.
How come that in almost any John Ford movie there is always an Irish character who frequently reminds everyone about how fantastic it is to have been born Irish. Why is there never any Welsh, Scottish or English characters with similar sentiments.
Why do fist fights between two opponents in cowboy movies go on forever, when in reality they would long ago have had to stop due to broken bones.
Whenever a stagecoach is attacked by a tribe of Red Indians they are always concerned with attempting to shoot the passengers. Why don't they just shoot the horses so that the stagecoach will come to a halt. -
pmiano100 — 18 years ago(September 01, 2007 09:54 PM)
You have a point about quick love connections. On the old "Love Boat" show, everyone was from Los Angeles, when in reality people on cruises come from all over. How come there was never a case where he was from San Diego, California and she was from Portland, Oregon?
How is it the handsome thief the beautiful woman cop/fed is chasing is always charming, never violent, and she winds up falling in love with him and willing to throw her whole career away for him?
In Westerns made since the 1950s, why do the Native Americans all speak better English than the cowboys?
The hero gets knocked out from behind, but always revives a little later, perfectly fine. How come he never has to go to a hospital to be checked for a concussion?
Why are all Asians in movies and TV expert martial artists?
People wearing tight clothes pull out huge handguns that never made any tell-tale bulges.
People in TV and movies get over the grief of lovers dying or being murdered with amazing speed. On TV, they're over it by the next episode. In the movies, they're over it by the final scene.
People dying of terrible diseases look perfectly healthy up to the moment of death. Example: Allie McGraw in "Love Story."
If CSI: Miami is to be believed, everyone who lives there is under 45 and impossibly good-looking.
In Westerns, why is the hero's horse always faster than the villain's horse?
Why are people fooled by the tiny masks characters like Zorro wear? Anyone who knows them at all would recognize them immediately.
And why hasn't anyone noticed that Superman and Clark Kent are identical? If Lois Lane is so suspicious, why doesn't she compare fingerprints? The idiot doesn't even wear gloves. -
Altho73 — 18 years ago(September 02, 2007 10:18 AM)
When a special operations team is parachuted into Nazi Germany on a secret mission and the Germans capture one of the team they always use physical torture to extract information. Why do they never use psychological pressure or sodium pentathol.
At a German World War 2 prisoner of war camp why is every allied prisoner in the camp so keen to escape, particularly Air Force officers who have flown 15 bombing missions and if successful they would then have to fly another 15 missions over Germany.
In 'Where Eagles Dare' British Intelligence concocted an elaborate plan to parachute a special operations team including three known German spies into Germany on a mission in order to find out the name of their German controller in England. Why go to all this trouble, wouldn't it be easier to adminster the correct measure of sodium pentathol and just ask the spies for his name?
How do waiters at expensive restaurants always manage to find tables for people who claim they are VIP's when the restaurant is full.
The private detective Phillip Marlowe was whacked over the head with a wrench from behind at least twice on every case he became involved in. Why after four cases was he not confined to hospital with a brain haemorrage.
In the movie 'The Blackboard Jungle' all the teenage boys in school look around 30 plus, some even look older than the teachers.
When the (married) leading man is having an affair with the (married) leading lady they are careful to always meet in way out places. Why is it that they are never encountered by someone that knows one of them who just happens to stop off at a cafe there for lunch etc.
In movies that feature a hot-shot detective with a reputation for spending all his free time seducing as many women as possible why do the criminals never think of destroying his reputation by setting him up with a woman who will then file a charge that he has raped her.
In 'The Big Easy' Dennis Quaid's character is a police detective who is prosecuted for accepting bribes. His friends in the force then arrange for a powerful magnet to be placed next to the videotape containing the evidence against him. How convenient that the incriminating videotape was stored in such an easily accesable place. -
pmiano100 — 18 years ago(September 02, 2007 12:01 PM)
When a husband has an affair, it's usually because he's a bum. When a woman has an affair, it's always because her husband is no good, dull, or indifferent. Why is it the woman is never a bum?
In "Bridges of Madison County", we are expected to believe that a world-renowned photographer who has his pick of the most beautiful women in the world falls in love with a plain-looking farmer's wife with two kids and wants her to run off with him.
How come the Montecito Hotel-Casino in "Las Vegas" only has guests who are young, attractive, and fashionably dressed? Where are all the fat, middle-aged couples in ugly shorts from Iowa?
In college movies,lazy, drug-abusing slacker students all become millionaires, and the hard-working, ambitious students are all closet bigots who become losers and failures.
Crazy people in asylums are all wise and gentle souls tormented by a sadistic staff and an indifferent chief of staff. The patients always make it look like the people outside the the asylum are the dangerous nuts.
Crime labs all get instant, accurate results. In real life they can take weeks or months and the results are not always conclusive.
Why are all the Japanese officers in American WWII movies graduates of universities in California?
How do all these ordinary working class schlubs in the movies meet all these beautiful rich girls, let alone get them to marry them? In real life, rich girls go slumming with these guys and then marry guys with money like them. Rich guys are the same way with working class girls.
When the hero is shot point-blank in the chest, the bullet is always stopped by a coin or something else that would never stop a bullet in real life.
The maverick doctor is always right with his/her diagnosis no matter what the older, more experienced doctors say.
Beware if your car breaks down in a small town in the United States. The entire town will be involved in some kind of illegal conspiracy and you will be murdered to keep it secret. The only person with a conscience will be a young, beautiful, single woman who falls for the handsome hero who comes to investigate your "accidental" death. The handsome hero will outfight the entire town and expose everything with the help of the girl - the same girl who stood by and did nothing when you were murdered.
"Legally Blonde": A total ditz who makes Paris Hilton look like Madame Curie turns out to be a closet genius who gets into America's best law school and graduates with honors.
Dad wants the kid to go to business or law school but the kid wants to be a rock musician (or whatever). Naturally the kid succeeds and becomes a super-star. He/she never fails and humbled, admits the father was right and goes back to school.
Why does every evangelical minister or conservative politician turn out to be a hypocrite or a criminal? How come a liberal never does anything wrong?
My personal favorite. A bunch of good guys are outnumbered and surrounded by bad guys. One of the good guys panics and screams, "We're all gonna die!" The leader of the good guys punches him. He always says, "Thanks, I needed that." He never says, "We're all gonna die - and now my jaw hurts too!"
Personal Notes: Did you ever see "Purple Rose of Cairo" ? Also, tell me if I've repeated myself and I'll edit it. You realize of course, that at the rate we're going, we could probably co-write a successful novelty book that would make it on the Non-Fiction Best Sellers List. A former English professor of mine once told me there were only 20 basic plots and everything else was a variation or composite of them. Boy, she didn't know the half of it.