'Eyebrow Royalty…'
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Archived from the IMDb Discussion Forums — Mommie Dearest
cookiela2001 — 10 years ago(August 12, 2015 03:49 PM)
At the risk of self-congratulation, I must say this was my personal favorite of all my posts. And yet, imdb erases old, neglected threads after a while
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YET THEY CANNOT ERASE IT FROM MY HARD DRIVE!
Winning!
Mayer: Joan, my Joan. You're in a position to do me a favor that will be as big a favor for you as it is for me.
Joan: You don't have to ask! You only have to tell me.
Mayer: Good. I want you to leave Metro.
Joan: Leave Metro? Leave Metro??
Mayer: Your eyebrows one after another are losing money. Theater owners voted them "Box Office Poison". Still, for years I've paid no attention. You know me, Joan. I don't give up so easily.
Joan: It's the makeup, L.B. Bad pencils, bad tweezers - -
Mayer: Bad with you, good with others.
Joan: No, listen to me L.B. I have been BEGGING YOU begging you for a good eyebrow pencil . Now you've always given me my share of bad pencils because you knew I'd make them work. Well, I can't keep doing it, L.B.!
Mayer: Listen with your ears and not with your eyebrows. With me, feeling is more important than eyebrows. You're a great star! You're eyebrow royalty! But styles change. They'll leave. We had 'creative differences'. Other studios will think they're smarter than L.B., they'll try to finesse me. You'll be offered two, three, four new sets of eyebrows. You may even get a waxing!
Joan: Will you be sorry then?
Mayer: I'm sorry now. But here there's no feeling, no hope. New faces, new eyebrows, breath of fresh air. Who knows? Don't do this to yourself.
Joan: I'll have my maid and studio people clear out my eyebrows. I've got a lot of pairs to collect.
Mayer: It's done, Joan. They've packed your eyebrows, they're loading your car.
Joan: You mean everybody already knows?
Louis B. Mayer: That we parted friends because we didn't agree on eyebrows.
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Joan: Will you walk us to my car?
[Mayer doesn't answer]
Joan Crawford: "Eyebrow Royalty".
[walks out alone] -
alec_senna — 10 years ago(August 22, 2015 11:26 PM)
Board Member:
The condolences of every person at Maybelline are with you. Al Steele helped make this company and you were by his side, sharing the eyebrow pencils and the tweezers. And we want to give you ample time to repay your eyebrows, plenty of time. We'll have to take the No. 2 Cow Patty Brown. You wouldn't want to use that eyebrow pencil, anyway.
Joan:
What eyebrow pencil? I've got tweezers.
Board Member:
Your husband had to borrow to pay for the construction of your eyebrows. We loaned him considerable eyebrow pencils to meet requirements his makeup didn't cover.
Joan:
You think you're very clever, don't you? Trying to sweep my poor little eyebrows under the carpet. Well, think again! I'm on the board of eyebrows of this lousy company.
Board Member:
We assumed that you would no longer want to be on the board
Joan:
Al and I helped build Maybelline to what it is today. I intend to stay with it!
Board Member:
We appreciate your devotion and eyebrows, Miss Crawford. But we have retired you from the board of eyebrows.
Joan:
You drove Al to his grave and now you're trying to stab me in the eyebrows? Forget it! I fought worse makeup artists than you in Hollywood. I can win with eyebrows!
Board Member:
We don't want any hard eyebrows
Joan:
You don't know what hard eyebrows areuntil I come out publicly against your product. You'll see how much you tweeze!
Board Member:
It's hardly necessary to make threats you surely don't mean.
Joan:
Don't fock with my eyebrows! This ain't my first time at the beauty salon. You forget the press I delivered to Maybelline was my eyebrows. I can use them anyway I want. They're swords, they cut both ways.
Board Member:
The board has failed to realize the extent of your interest in your eyebrows. Wemisjudged. We shall be pleased to have you stay on.
Joan:
Thank you, gentlemen. Now, let's get to work.
knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. -
alec_senna — 10 years ago(August 23, 2015 06:44 AM)
That's good, darling. They were thoughtless, selfish, spoiled eyebrows. Now they won't wake you up when you need your rest. Mindlessly drenches elbows with a copious amount of lotion and stares off into space.
knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. -