Things I learned from Hard to Kill
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BrohmaBull007 — 19 years ago(August 24, 2006 07:06 PM)
I learned the anticipation of dieing is worse than death itself
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masterofpainrlz — 19 years ago(August 29, 2006 04:11 AM)
1 - Apparently, straight punches qualify as a "martial arts" workout.
2 - Chicks get all stary-eyed (and horny) over said workout and watching a guy jog up a hill.
3 - If a man has compromising footage of you, it's perfectly normal to just kill said man and his family without EVER worrying about the beep footage.
4 - When attacking the good guy with a knife FROM BEHIND, you have to give him a few seconds to make his move.
5 - The only time Seagal is not immune to bullets is during sex. Otherwise, even machineguns and non-existing cover won't do.
6 - Semi-hot nurses have nothing better to do than ogle comatose patient. Oh, and it's not creepy AT ALL to ogle comatose patient. -
Argyle302 — 12 years ago(November 04, 2013 09:23 PM)
Yeah, like Storm was gonna take time out to graffitti the walls with that schlock. And what? Did he just find a red felt tip pen to do so just laying around? Or did he just use the red lipstick that they used to put the blood around Senator Trents mouth?!
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ThingyBlahBlah3 — 19 years ago(August 29, 2006 09:31 AM)
- When house-sitting for her boss in his isolated palatial mansion, a hot young woman won't even tell her friends about it, to say nothing about inviting them over for a party.
- Any cop who isn't your partner is corrupt. This is such an iron-clad rule that you don't even need to act surprised when you find out that half of the department works for the main bad guy.
- Sometimes broken bones can heal themselves instantly, and leave no trace of injury. This is demonstrated by the guy who gets his wrist broken just before Storm and his wife get shot. He seems to be in a lot of pain, but when they're walking back to the van a minute later, he shows no sign of being hurt. (To quote Lisa Simpson, "Uh, this might be one of those things you should go to the hospital for.")
- When portraying someone who's just come out of a seven-year coma, the best acting choice is to do a bad Marlon Brando impression (although Seagal wouldn't have the right physique for several more years).
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uzi_suicide58 — 19 years ago(September 14, 2006 07:37 PM)
- Comatose patients are not shaved, groomed and also don't have any monitoring equipment hooked to them.
2.If they let his hair and beard grow, did they cut his toenails?
3.comatose people don't have cathters or anything, they just let it fly.
4.Although I've studied various martial arts for 20 years, I can't wake up in the am and start doing spinning hook kicks ect. But apparently the comatose can come to and after a day or two start phucking people up.
5.segal muscle does'nt get atrophied cuz he's THAT badass. - He regained all bodily function over night
- Comatose patients are not shaved, groomed and also don't have any monitoring equipment hooked to them.
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general_razor_cs-1 — 19 years ago(September 28, 2006 11:11 AM)
- a guy can be in a coma for 7 years and when he wakes up he has a nurse wanting him dude take a shower man
- They clean/bathe him
- a guy can be in a coma and wake up and get a shave and look like he hadn't aged a bit
-actually, more or less pretty much - a guy can take an hour and 20 minutes to realize who says and you can take that to the bank
yeah well - a guy can get shot in the arm with a shotgun and still have an arm.
cost lot's of money in 1990 to have a good effect like that - a kid can get shot at and all the dudes shooting are horrible shots.
pretty much - Kelly Le Brock is ugly
I disagree - Steven Seagal could make a good movie, one of the few
- a guy could get down his knees and say come cut my heart out, and the dude is such a bad thug
I do not understand your point - Steven Seagal can kill anyone
yup lol - a guy can have a sawn off shotgun jammed down his mouth and not lose any teeth
the shotgun knocked all of his teeth out
You never have trouble parking when you drive a forklift
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o_placid_o — 18 years ago(April 23, 2007 05:45 PM)
- If you're in a coma for seven years, you can easily wake up and be just as tanned as you were before. Sun penetrates hospital walls, bedsheets, and clothing.
- If you name your kid Sonny, you have to spread your "badass-edness" all over the news so that every person he ever meets won't kick his ass.
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Dachunde — 18 years ago(April 26, 2007 06:12 AM)
1.) 'I thought you'd like a flower' is the GREATEST chat up line EVER and leads to an immediate shag on the floor.
2.) Even though you thought he was dead, haven't seen him for 7 years and he just got shot at, there is NO need to look your son in the eye when you reuniteinstead rub his head and break some dude's neck in front of several eye witnesses.
3.) If you were once a cop revenge killings go unpunished.
4.) Unless it stars Erika Eleniak's breasts ANY Seagal film will be hilariously awful. In a really good way.
5.) Steven Seagal runs like a special olympics entrant.
6.) A 7 year coma is enough time to 'mourn' your murdered wifeso that you can screw the first nurse that takes you to a hillside retreat.
7.) If a random woman saves your life, trust her with the investigation of your murdered family and invite her on holiday after you've slain 12 bad-guys in unarmed combat.
8.) Mason Storm is harder than the bride = 7years, no sword. He CAN wiggle his big toe.
'Thats for my wife. F@CK you and DIE!' -
Captain_Bob — 17 years ago(December 19, 2008 06:33 AM)
If you grew up in the late 80's you regularly had sex at 11:30 during Johnny Carson's monologue. (well I did at least).
If you want to hide a supposedly dead guy, change his name to something inconspicuous like "John Doe".
If you're a corrupt politician it's ok to talk loudly about your covered-up crimes if it's somewhere safe - like at one of your own rallies next to a large crowd.
If you say "you can take that to the bank" enough times, Steven Seagal WILL remember.
If a sexy woman says "You've got to believe me, you're safe here ok?" it means it's ok to shave off your beard and beep her.
Weight training has more effect if you read some Chinese in between sessions.
If Steven Seagal sits on a hilltop for more than 10 seconds, a hawk call is guaranteed.
Saxophones are unavoidable even in 1990!
If you're Seagal in a jeep about to crash into a low brick wall, magic ramps appear and allow you to heroically jump over.
If Seagal steals your car, it will go unharmed as long as it's a Corvette (time-honored pussy magnet).
If fighting Seagal, "let's see whatcha got" are definitely your final words.
When you KNOW Seagal is after you, it's time to casually shoot some pool with the guys.
And of course "anticipation of death is worse than death itself".
If Steven Seagal starts calling out "Vernon oh Vernon" it's game over man (provided your name is Vernon).
If you, the viewer, didn't mouth the words "I missed I never miss" you're lying!
Great Flick! -
baddlezone — 18 years ago(May 07, 2007 11:12 AM)
all you need to do to see any patient's chart is wear a stethoscope
every nurse, security guard and physical therapist in a hospital know each other by thier first names
only one person in the u.s.a. can figure out that a politcian is crooked
no one gets sick of a politcian using the same catch phrase for seven years
kelly lebrock was hot, once, long ago
even if you leave notes that you are going to kill someone, you still can claim self-defense -